OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Since 1888, Prescott's been running the same tired Wild West show, desperately clinging to its gun-slinging glory days while the modern world passes it by. You'd think after 136 years they'd have figured out some new tricks, but nope - still just cowboys, horses, and tourists pretending it's still the 1800s.
Forty saloons burned down to a handful of tourist traps serving overpriced drinks to people cosplaying as cowboys. The Palace Restaurant claims to be Arizona's oldest business, which really just means it's been disappointing customers the longest.
Farm-to-table restaurants serving '$28 elevated comfort food' that's just fancy mac and cheese with a side of attitude. Meanwhile, the locals line up for breakfast burritos and pizza, proving that even Prescott knows its upscale dining scene is mostly performance art.
Nothing says 'we're totally not racist anymore' like building multiple Native American museums in the town that literally bragged about being the 'only white man's town in Arizona.' The historical revisionism is almost as impressive as the cognitive dissonance.
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