Roasted Jun 7, 202689 views89 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
From the second weekend in May until about the third week in August, Norman actually doesn't exist. If there aren't tens of thousands of students crowding the town, there's no reason for anyone else to be there either. Congrats, you live in a place that literally disappears when college kids go home. That's not a town, that's a seasonal corn maze.
Everyone smokes weed in Norman. The professors. The students. The townies. The urban chickens kept in backyards. Everyone smokes weed in Norman. Your town's biggest cultural export isn't Boomer Sooner or weather research—it's getting so blazed that you think backyard chickens make sense in suburban Oklahoma.
Many a sorority sister (and frat brother, and student, and townie) has enjoyed a Sooner Swirl on The Mont's famous patio. Imagine being so culinarily bankrupt that your most famous restaurant is basically a dive bar serving sugary drinks to fraternity kids who think queso counts as fine dining.
Even though the team plays in Norman, about twenty miles south of Oklahoma City, the people of OKC travel in droves to support Sooners football. On college football Saturdays, Oklahoma Citians either migrate in masses to Oklahoma Memorial Stadium—which packs in over 80,000 screaming fans—or pack the city's bars in solidarity. Throughout the rest of the week, approximately 99% of the city's water cooler small talk revolves around lamenting a loss or celebrating a win. Your entire regional identity revolves around watching teenagers throw a ball around. That's not school spirit, that's a psychological dependency.
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