Roasted Mar 29, 2026805 views1 share806 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
New York crammed 8.4 million people into 300 square miles and then had the audacity to charge $3,000 a month for a closet they call an apartment. You'll pay Manhattan rent to live in a space smaller than most people's bathrooms while your upstairs neighbor practices tap dancing at 2 AM.
New York is the city that thought one baseball team wasn't enough to break your heart, so it went and got two. Yankees fans act like they invented winning while living off four championships from the Clinton years and a lone 2009 trophy they've been polishing ever since, and Mets fans... well, they're passionate about bagels because at least those don't collapse in October.
Only New Yorkers would take their two most sacred foods and frankenstein them together into some carb-loaded abomination. You can't decide between pizza and bagels so you made both worse? That's like solving traffic by adding more cars.
New Yorkers have turned avoiding eye contact into an Olympic sport while riding in underground metal tubes that smell like disappointment and broken dreams. You've mastered the art of being surrounded by millions of people while feeling completely alone, and somehow you call this "efficient transportation."
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