Roasted Mar 19, 2026118 views118 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
New Iberia calls itself the 'Queen City of the Teche' like it's some kind of monarchy, when it's really just a town that lives off a hot sauce factory it doesn't even contain. You're not royalty, you're the place people drive through to get to Avery Island for actual Tabasco tours.
Nothing screams 'we're desperate for attention' quite like declaring your local cooking contest a 'World Championship.' It's cute that New Iberia thinks a bunch of people stirring pots in a parking lot in October counts as international competition. The real championship is convincing tourists this is worth the drive.
Your idea of a tourist attraction is a sugar plantation mansion that served as Union Army headquarters during the Civil War. Nothing says 'complicated relationship with history' like charging admission to tour where enslaved people suffered while pretending it's just charming antebellum architecture.
You've been operating the same rice mill since 1912 and act like it's the industrial revolution. Meanwhile, everyone just buys the big-brand rice at Walmart. Your big innovation was adding a gift shop and calling it a 'tourist attraction' - revolutionary stuff, New Iberia.
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