OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
The crown jewel of this 'Little Chicago' is a Target and Hobby Lobby that apparently saves locals from complete existential despair. With a downtown designed to cosplay as Chicago but with the budget of a garage sale, Fort Dodge proves that even architectural delusions of grandeur can't escape the gravitational pull of mediocrity.
Fort Dodge literally built its reputation on the Cardiff Giant, a gypsum-carved hoax so legendary they still brag about their fake 10-foot man in a museum. It's fitting that a town founded on bullsh*t would become famous for manufacturing the stuff that goes inside your walls – because apparently being hollow is their specialty.
When 30% of Iowa's sex offenders allegedly call your town home and even the cops don't know why the violence keeps happening, you know you've achieved something special. Fort Dodge solved their abandoned gypsum pit problem by turning it into an ATV park – because nothing says 'family fun' like recreational driving through former crime scenes.
Fort Dodge sits on one of the world's purest deposits of gypsum, which is basically nature's way of saying 'here's some rocks to make drywall, good luck with everything else.' They've been mining the stuff for 150+ years, proving that some towns will literally dig themselves into a hole and call it economic development.
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