OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your average traffic speed dropped from 21 km/hour to 7 km/hour in the last decade - slower than walking speed by 2035! Meanwhile you're out here bragging about being the business capital when it takes longer to cross your city than to fly to Singapore.
You've got more rickshaws than New York has yellow cabs, all competing for space with 24 different types of vehicles on the same road. It's like watching the world's most chaotic game of bumper cars, except nobody wins and everyone's late for work.
Your traffic is so legendary that vendors have built entire careers selling peanuts and water to trapped commuters. When getting stuck in gridlock becomes someone's full-time job opportunity, you know you've achieved peak urban dysfunction.
Nothing says 'world-class dining' like street food you can only reach after navigating through medieval-level traffic chaos. At least the burnt corn vendors come to your car window - because who has time to actually walk anywhere in this city?
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