Roasted Jun 15, 202698 views98 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Congratulations on being New Hampshire's political center, where the most exciting thing happening is watching paint dry on that golden dome while politicians argue about granite quarrying regulations. Your biggest claim to fame is a state that fights to the death to keep the first primary, and honestly, you can keep it.
Oh wow, a Concord restaurant serving food! How revolutionary for a town surrounded by farms with literally nothing else to do. Your 'diverse culinary scene' peaks at apple cider donuts and clam chowder, while locals brag about that one boba tea place like it's the pinnacle of cosmopolitan dining.
Your Main Street is wide enough to land a plane on, and apparently your collective self-importance still requires that much space. You're so proud of your 'picturesque' downtown that you forgot to actually put anything interesting there besides tourists taking selfies with the State House.
You named yourself the Granite State and then let Vermont's Barre walk around calling itself the granite capital of the world. It's like calling yourself the Smart State when Massachusetts exists right next door. At least when your precious Old Man of the Mountain finally gave up and fell off the cliff in 2003, it saved everyone the embarrassment of watching you keep putting it on every license plate and quarter.
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